Post by Struth on Aug 14, 2021 8:14:13 GMT 8
Terrified federal MPs have fled Canberra and the city has been plunged into a seven-day lockdown after a man tested positive for Conserv-19, in what is the first ACT infection of the novel conservative-thought virus Lnp-ConserV-2 in more than a decade.
In a frightening development, two of the man’s close contacts also returned positive tests for the highly infectious strain of conservative thinking.
A conservative cluster forming up in Canberra. SMH
On Thursday morning, a startled ACT Chief Minister Andrew Lowe-Barr confirmed that Conserv-19 fragments had been detected in waste water coming out of the parliamentary cafe late on Tuesday and a man who had flown in from the electorate of Dawson in far north Queensland had tested positive for making a toxic conservative speech on the floor of Parliament shortly after.
Contact tracers have confirmed that the man, who for medical privacy reasons can only be identified as “patient zero”, is a Mr George Christensen of Mackay, and that Mr Christensen had spread a particularly virulent strain of conservative thought throughout the entire parliamentary airconditioning system when he made a speech claiming that lockdowns are madness and masks don’t work.
Canberra’s chief medical officer and infectious ideas expert Dr Anthony Albo-Knees was quick to condemn the man, labelling his behaviour “unacceptable”, “selfish” and “disgusting”.
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Said Dr Knees (who has a doctorate in neo-Marxist eco-socialism and gender fluidity studies): “The idea that this man can simply wander into the chamber like this and open his mouth and spread his crazy ideas all over the place and risk infecting the rest of us is a complete disgrace.”
A clearly distressed Mr Lowe-Barr said the cases represented the ‘most serious public health risk’ Canberrans had ever faced.
Big Tech social media giant Fascestbook (surely Facebook? -ed.) was quick to remove George Christensen from its social media platform in order to protect the public from being infected by anything he might say.
Two of the man’s closest contacts also tested positive to Lnp-ConserV-2, including one man who disgracefully appeared on the ABC’s Q&A show without a mask and without the normal protective clothing of pretending to be a “modern” conservative. The man then attempted to infect the entire audience with his claims that the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change report contained nothing but “fear porn”.
Border tightened
Contact tracers have confirmed that the man, who for medical privacy reasons can only be identified as a Mr Matt Canavan of Townsville, had spread this particularly dangerous strain of conservative thought throughout the entire ABC airconditioning system. Mr Canavan claimed that the IPCC report itself claims that the worst-case doomsday scenarios of widespread devastation thanks to global warming and mining coal are highly unlikely to ever occur.
In a sign that he is in the advanced stages of contagion and in urgent need of political intervention, Mr Canavan also shockingly claimed on Q&A that Mr Christensen had every right to air his views on the floor of Parliament.
A clearly distressed Mr Lowe-Barr said the cases represented the “most serious public health risk” Canberrans had ever faced. “We do not know the precise source of infection, but contact tracers are working around the clock to contain the virus from spreading to any members of the Canberra public service, or indeed the Canberra public [isn’t that the same thing? - ed].”
The visibly sweating Chief Minister also claimed that genomic sequencing of Lnp-ConserV-2 shows it escaped from regional Queensland. “This is the first time Canberra has been in such danger since the dreaded novel johbjelkevirus (JoH-4-Pm) threatened to cross the border into the ACT way back in 1987.”
NSW Deputy Premier John Barilaro warned rogue Nationals not to cross the border into his own state. “So-called conservative members of the Liberal National Party are asked to remain strictly in isolation in Queensland to help stop the spread of their fatal ideas into this state,” he tweeted. “I’ve asked Commissioner Mick Fuller to ramp up police resources across rural NSW looking for any Sunshine State number plates.”
Scott Morrison also expressed his outrage at the dangerous outbreak, pointing out that authorities suspected it may be related to Brisbane’s deadly Campbell cluster. “Only last week we saw the former Liberal mayor of Brisbane in close proximity to highly infectious individuals like John Ruddick and Craig Kelly and then quitting the Liberal National Party altogether in disgust and accusing me of being trapped inside the Canberra bubble. This is an outrageous insinuation.”
But the Prime Minister saved his harshest words for critics of his leadership style. “The ridiculous idea that these individuals are spouting that you can’t tell the difference between Liberal and Labor anymore is a complete fabrication,” he fumed through his N95 Respirator mask and “zero-emissions” protective overalls. “Both Anthony and I are in total agreement on this, as indeed we are on pretty much everything.”
Rowan Dean writes on Media & Marketing specialising in Advertising, TV, Publishing. Rowan is
In a frightening development, two of the man’s close contacts also returned positive tests for the highly infectious strain of conservative thinking.
A conservative cluster forming up in Canberra. SMH
On Thursday morning, a startled ACT Chief Minister Andrew Lowe-Barr confirmed that Conserv-19 fragments had been detected in waste water coming out of the parliamentary cafe late on Tuesday and a man who had flown in from the electorate of Dawson in far north Queensland had tested positive for making a toxic conservative speech on the floor of Parliament shortly after.
Contact tracers have confirmed that the man, who for medical privacy reasons can only be identified as “patient zero”, is a Mr George Christensen of Mackay, and that Mr Christensen had spread a particularly virulent strain of conservative thought throughout the entire parliamentary airconditioning system when he made a speech claiming that lockdowns are madness and masks don’t work.
Canberra’s chief medical officer and infectious ideas expert Dr Anthony Albo-Knees was quick to condemn the man, labelling his behaviour “unacceptable”, “selfish” and “disgusting”.
Advertisement
Said Dr Knees (who has a doctorate in neo-Marxist eco-socialism and gender fluidity studies): “The idea that this man can simply wander into the chamber like this and open his mouth and spread his crazy ideas all over the place and risk infecting the rest of us is a complete disgrace.”
A clearly distressed Mr Lowe-Barr said the cases represented the ‘most serious public health risk’ Canberrans had ever faced.
Big Tech social media giant Fascestbook (surely Facebook? -ed.) was quick to remove George Christensen from its social media platform in order to protect the public from being infected by anything he might say.
Two of the man’s closest contacts also tested positive to Lnp-ConserV-2, including one man who disgracefully appeared on the ABC’s Q&A show without a mask and without the normal protective clothing of pretending to be a “modern” conservative. The man then attempted to infect the entire audience with his claims that the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change report contained nothing but “fear porn”.
Border tightened
Contact tracers have confirmed that the man, who for medical privacy reasons can only be identified as a Mr Matt Canavan of Townsville, had spread this particularly dangerous strain of conservative thought throughout the entire ABC airconditioning system. Mr Canavan claimed that the IPCC report itself claims that the worst-case doomsday scenarios of widespread devastation thanks to global warming and mining coal are highly unlikely to ever occur.
In a sign that he is in the advanced stages of contagion and in urgent need of political intervention, Mr Canavan also shockingly claimed on Q&A that Mr Christensen had every right to air his views on the floor of Parliament.
A clearly distressed Mr Lowe-Barr said the cases represented the “most serious public health risk” Canberrans had ever faced. “We do not know the precise source of infection, but contact tracers are working around the clock to contain the virus from spreading to any members of the Canberra public service, or indeed the Canberra public [isn’t that the same thing? - ed].”
The visibly sweating Chief Minister also claimed that genomic sequencing of Lnp-ConserV-2 shows it escaped from regional Queensland. “This is the first time Canberra has been in such danger since the dreaded novel johbjelkevirus (JoH-4-Pm) threatened to cross the border into the ACT way back in 1987.”
NSW Deputy Premier John Barilaro warned rogue Nationals not to cross the border into his own state. “So-called conservative members of the Liberal National Party are asked to remain strictly in isolation in Queensland to help stop the spread of their fatal ideas into this state,” he tweeted. “I’ve asked Commissioner Mick Fuller to ramp up police resources across rural NSW looking for any Sunshine State number plates.”
Scott Morrison also expressed his outrage at the dangerous outbreak, pointing out that authorities suspected it may be related to Brisbane’s deadly Campbell cluster. “Only last week we saw the former Liberal mayor of Brisbane in close proximity to highly infectious individuals like John Ruddick and Craig Kelly and then quitting the Liberal National Party altogether in disgust and accusing me of being trapped inside the Canberra bubble. This is an outrageous insinuation.”
But the Prime Minister saved his harshest words for critics of his leadership style. “The ridiculous idea that these individuals are spouting that you can’t tell the difference between Liberal and Labor anymore is a complete fabrication,” he fumed through his N95 Respirator mask and “zero-emissions” protective overalls. “Both Anthony and I are in total agreement on this, as indeed we are on pretty much everything.”
Rowan Dean writes on Media & Marketing specialising in Advertising, TV, Publishing. Rowan is
